With Awe

With Awe seemed a bit odd to me for my Words of the year, and yet the Lord used both Isaiah and Luke to show me that was how He wanted me to enter 2022. With Awe! 

I only figured that out about 10 days ago and yet He has already allowed two things to occur that made me respond With Awe.  

Three days ago, a very large donation went into my Cru account! Anonymously! The one thing I do know is that it was transferred to my account from another Cru account. Honestly, I think I’m still in shock. At some point, I know there will be tears of joy! How can I respond to that except With Awe!  

And today, (much simpler condition) our garage door wouldn’t open so I couldn’t put out the trash and recycling for them to be picked up. Usually trash is picked up around 7:30 am. A neighbor was able to come help get the garage door open and trash out around noon. And they came to pick up recycling 20 minutes later. Still haven’t come for the trash! ‘With Awe’ was my response to something pretty simple. 

When that phrase was put in front of me as my Words for the year, I wasn’t sure why. I decided today to keep track of all the opportunities He gives me to respond ‘With Awe’. And now, I’m excited to see all He’ll do!  Big and small!

Just Thankful

Just Thankful 

For so much! 

People who are a blessing in my life – friends and family – so many to be grateful for. 

Jesus leading me each day – to whatever places He wants to use me or bless me. 

For good health and just feeling better in my 50’s then I did in my 30’s. 

For every opportunity I’m given – whether in ministry, relationship etc. – all of them. 

For watching Hallmark movies and working on a puzzle. 

For burning candles and studying Scripture and taking notes. 

For Hazelnut cookie iced tea every morning. 

For seeing beautiful sunsets every night. 

For waking up excited to start each new day. 

For the fact that I’m never alone! He’s always with me! 

On this Thanksgiving day, I just wanted to share with the world a few of the things I’m thankful for!  

Happy Thanksgiving!  

Save the Best for Last

16 years
Looking back – 16 years! October 4, 2005.
What a morning that was!
Right about now I was headed into surgery for the next 4 1/2 hours that would change my world….no ROCK my world and for the rest of my journey!
To picture Dr Vale literally vaccuuming out scar tissue from my brain for 4 hours and then to awake to having a seizure free life was incomprehensible for my brain. And yet, that’s what the Lord had in store.
From 31-42 I had increased from 1 seizure a month to 5 or 6 a month. And 31 is when I started having them awake so when driving stopped. Pre-surgery, I would have had 1100-1150 seizures in the last 16 years. I’ve had 11. Literally 1%! WOW!
Over the last few weeks I’ve had a couple of conversations with friends who knew me back when….and they’ve brought up how totally different my countenance is!
I remember in the weeks recovering thinking the phrase “I’ve been born again, a second time.” But physically this time instead of spiritually.
When the Lord made me, He allowed me to be one who almost always ‘saves the best for last’. Always did homework in study hall or as soon as I got home so I could have the maximum amount of downtime. (unless I had to study for a test – not so easy then.) As a kid, I’d eat one thing at a time off my plate, last one being my favorite. I loved when I could get hard classes early and enjoy fun ones later in the day. That’s just how I think and live.
And the Lord bascially allowed the first 40 years of my life to be having seizures. And He’s allowed me to save the best for last. How precious that is to my mind, body, soul & spirit!
16 years later! Thank You Lord! I am soooo blessed!

My word for 2021

So usually it’s between Christmas & New Years Day when I ponder ‘what will be my word for the next year’. But surprise, surprise. This year it came to me during Advent.

My word for 2021 will be ‘Reach’.

I’m already pondering all the different ways this could happen:

‘Reach people for Christ’

‘Reach out’

‘Reach in’

‘Reach up’

‘Reach new heights’

‘Reach my goal’

‘Reach for the stars’

‘Reach my destination’

In my mind, reaching has to do with stretching. Reach just a little bit farther. Further than is comfortable. It almost feels unattainable. I’ll always be able to reach a teeny bit more than I am right now. It’s ongoing.

Thank you Lord for using my Advent Devotional to give me my word for 2021. And honestly, since you gave me my word early, I think I’ll start seeking You on how to implement it now!


What I’ll Miss

‘Love ya’ at the end of each phone call

His laugh (reminded me of Pappaw)

His blood ran deep, deep, DEEP ORANGE – he quoted Vol football stats almost until the end

Always an optimist

Loved to end each discussion on a funny note

The sweet, creative presents he would find for me each Christmas

Going to Louis’ – Sammy & Mom – spaghetti; Dad & me – pizza



Things I’ll never forget

A $10 bill coming in the mail each weekend while I was in school at Montreat (usually inside a piece of paper that said ‘I love you’, Dad)

Seeing tears flow down his cheeks as he and Mom left to fly back to Knoxville as I stayed in San Bernardino (only the 2nd time I’d ever seen him cry)

Traveling to Daytona Beach every other year with the Roach family – Copacabana; CB Radios; Dog Tracks; Aunt Catfish;

Celebrating his birthday dinner (flank steaks Mom grilled outside), cake & opening presents then going to the late Christmas Eve service (11:00 pm I think)

Dad’s strong voice singing ‘How Great Thou Art’

‘Save the Best for Last’

That’s been my theory since I was a little girl!

I would always eat the food on my plate one thing at a time always eating my favorite thing last.  I always did my homework as soon as I got home from school, so I could have the rest of the evening for what I wanted to do. I always get all the ‘not fun’ jobs done first, so I can have more time doing what I love.

Yesterday morning I met with my GP for my general physical. He asked me questions about different parts of my health just to help assess how my body is doing. He also knew the results of my recent mammogram and all was normal.  After discussing each different area of my health, Dr Mestre  even said that for 55 I’m doing really well and probably don’t need to see him again for another year.

He always double checks as to how I’m doing re: having seizures. (after my surgery 13 1/2 years ago). And I got to share my story of 2005 with my team a few weeks ago. Remembering and reminiscing over ALL He’s done a couple of times recently has made me think ‘Save the Best for Last’ was my assigned motto. 

40 years of seizures playing a small part all the way to controlling my life was not fun. BUT, after the surgery, I had more energy at 42 than I did as a kid.  I am getting to be my WHOLE SELF!

He’s letting me LIVE like I could never have imagined in my 30’s. I’m truly thankful He let me ‘save the best for last’.




Opted for.


But why?

So I can have a PERSONAL relationship with Him.

To enjoy Him FOREVER.

To BE INCLUDED with Him.


To become more LIKE Him.

To PROCLAIM Him. Especially to those who don’t know Him.

To be Him with SKIN ON.


The fact that I’m ‘chosen’, what does that say to me?

I’m wanted.

I have a purpose.

He is using me.

And I’m His.

Missing Meesh

Just over the last week, I have seen a few people on Facebook speak of missing Meesh.  I am right there with ya’ll.  For 2 reasons:

  • Valentine’s Day last year was the first day that I totally broke down crying because I was missing her. Valentine’s Day she would ALWAYS write out a note to me re: True Love – God’s love. With Scripture references and just claiming truth that any single woman needs to be reminded of. Especially on Valentine’s Day!
  • And she died 2 days after the summer Olympics started last year. Watching the Olympics at night took me into another world. I could learn people’s stories and watch amazing competition between athletes. And I could do all of it without going to a heart level. Even though I was TRULY grateful Meesh was with Jesus, this was a place for me to go where I didn’t have to feel all the time.

So, with both of those things coming up in the next couple of weeks, my heart is wondering how much it may hurt this year.  I may be fine for both.

Since a few other people are missing her right now, just thought I’d say I understand, and am right there with you!

Still looking forward to the day I get to see her face and hug her healed body!

One year with Jesus

Tomorrow is 1 year.

I hope Meesh feels like she has been Home forever.

I miss:

‘Good Morning Shawna’ every morning.

My sister to chat, pray and play with.

Her laugh. (Oh how I miss that laugh!)

The depth & sincerity of her prayer life and every part of her walk with Jesus.

Overhearing and watching God use every part of her life to impact others.  Ministry experience, walk with Jesus, losing parents, cancer journey – ALL of it!  He used it all!

One strange bit of life without her for me has been the unpredictability of the days when I deeply miss her.   I thought they would be on certain holidays or I would know that day was coming. I think they’ve only happened 3 times over the last year, but each time, it was a total blindside!

I definitely miss her. But like I said a few times right after she left the earth, ‘no more pain, no more trouble breathing, no more cancer’! I am sooooo grateful she is with Jesus.

I’m sure there will be more rough days to come, again unpredictable, but I will see you again.

Claim it! Hold onto it. Look forward to it!

Love ya!


Emotions I feel:

Joy – She is with the One she loved, lived for and served.

Sadness – I will never hear her voice, see her smile, or be encouraged by His Spirit with the perfect words via her words on paper or aloud.

Excitement – I will be in heaven praising Jesus alongside her some day.

Gladness – she is not in pain any more.

Grief – just missing different parts of her or all of her pretty bad at certain moments on certain days. Waking up after dreaming about her.

Grateful – that I had the privilege of being a part of her journey for 14 years.


What I miss:

Her voice.

Her welcoming heart questions.

Her love for Jesus.

Her smile and laugh.

Her love and care for me as a sister.

Praying with her. — Heart felt. Seeking. Petitioning. Glorifying Him.